Victim - An Art Piece

This piece is something I am very proud of.

I shared it last night with a group of 10 people, only two of which I knew before that night. 

I was scared to share, and even more nervous when asked what the meaning behind the piece was. And yet, no matter how full of fear I was about sharing this, the words just tumbled out of me as if they wanted to be heard. 

This is why I created what I did:

It has a face, but no features.
The identity of the girl is lost, scrambled beyond recognition.

Recently, I was in a situation that I tried to hide for a month, telling myself that I was fine and that I would make it through that dark 'til the light came back.

I was lying to myself.

I couldn’t do it, and I couldn't keep the effects of the situation from making themselves known. I wore it on my whole countenance. People around me knew something was wrong, but I wasn't talking about it - even when directly asked about it. 
 I felt like by hiding everything as long as I did, I lost who I say I am: someone who tells the truth even when it is hard to do so. 

I eventually became the scrambled girl: I was becoming someone different under all the pressure I was putting on myself to keep things under wraps. Someone without personality, a jumbled outline of who I normally am.

I was confused, I felt like everything was a mess and I didn't have anything I recognized left to look at. There were so many layers and colors, to me, and you could dig deeper and deeper, but still not find the face behind those layers. The things that happened were carving into me, shaping and molding and manipulating me - much like the strokes on this piece. 

I let this become my identity.


I feel like victims everywhere feel similar: nothing but "victim" defines you and that feels scrambling.  

This piece was my reminder to myself: 

The sins done against me do not define who I am. 

I've considered putting this piece up for sale (mostly to fund my trip to Paris coming up!) However, the canvas is warped on one side and bends forward. I have NO idea how that happened and It makes me SO ANNOYED.