Updates from Seattle
It's been a while since I've updated on what's been going on in my life here in Seattle. I think that maybe it's a fear thing. Things are not as rosy and fun as I would like to "write home about" and I like to be transparent in things, so it's been harder for me to motivate myself to update.
In the words of my brother, Story, "Honesty is the best policy, but it isn't always safe."
I'll pick honestly over safety any day.
So here goes:
I got a job - and I get over-caffeinated because of it! It's great!
I now work at Bean Box. I package, weigh, stick, stamp, sort, tape and mail stuff. It's they type of job I would consider a "brain rest" job. I get to do the same thing over and over and over for five hours and I get the opportunity to put in headphones and listen to things. I'm not a huge music listener unless someone else puts music on - don't get my wrong, I LOVE listening to music, but I don't have Spotify or a large iTunes library, so I just don't listen to much music anymore. What I listen to daily is podcasts. Five hours of podcasts, five days a week. It's incredible! I get to listen to sermons, the bible, radio dramas, TED talks, informational podcasts, news podcasts, weird facts podcasts... I'm amazed at all that I could and do get the chance to listen to!
On adventures and exploration:
Somehow, I always end up making urban exploration trips completely dress incorrectly. For instance, this ascent to the top of a steeple was made in a jumper dress.
The last portion of the climb from the ladder to the roof was actually too tall for me to climb and I had to be pulled up onto the rooftop. Getting back down after taking in the glorious view was also a problem. I'm still alive, so it all ended up just fine.
I'm alone more than I anticipated I would be.
See, I came to Seattle expecting to be a bit lonely for awhile. I'd have to meet a whole new set of people, adjust to a new way a living in a short amount of time and figure out how I fit in to this new house-community and work environment. I knew in advance I wouldn't be "known" for a while due to this.
Don't worry too much; all of the new relations and friendships are going just fine, and truly, everyone here is very kind and nice - however, I didn't expect to feel this huge feeling of loneliness so deeply.
I'm alone 75% of my time here. That is new a different and my extroverted soul is so saddened by this! Most of my house works normal, human work hours. I don't. So I'm here at the house. I took to walking to fill my time and to explore what is around me. Thing is, while walking is awesome and I clock and average of five miles a day, I am still technically alone all day in a city FULL of people.
I'm starting to get very depressed over this.
At work, I'm surrounded by people, but again, my work is "brain rest" so I clock in and they give me a task for five hours and then leave me alone to work on it. Not much human interaction there either. I'm not sure that there is a rosy way to wrap up this section. Honestly, I'm rather depressed in my seemed loneliness. I'm not sure what I am learning though this at the moment. Maybe soon I'll have a rosier tale to spin about what's going on.
I get lost a lot
My time in Seattle thus far can be summed up with "Wait, how did I end up here?"
With all my walking, I usually end up someplace new. And then finding my way back home becomes to new issue. I know, I know - use maps on my phone. Got it. GUESS WHO HAS A BROKEN PHONE - Me. Or at least, I did. So my "lostness" was multiplied with confusion and utter lack of sense of direction.
I have since remedied the situation and got a working phone. However, I still end up in odd places. For instance, I was at this park that had this EDM dance party/carnival/art party/weed fest/sunbathing event and I am not sure how I got there or why this was happening and it was odd. Naturally, I photographed it all and filmed it. Duh.
I have the strange encounter thing going for me again
I have told you before of my knack for collecting strangers, right? People are drawn to me (probably more to my hair to be honest) and they just chat me up about anything and everything. Well, my first three weeks here, this never happened to me. I thought maybe I lost my "power" and it stayed back in Texas, because, face it, I didn't really look like everyone in Fort Worth. I had curly, massive blue hair and dressed a little quirky. Here in Seattle, I'm still different looking, but so is everyone else, so it is nothing special or out of the ordinary. I figured that since I looked like everyone else here by NOT looking like everyone else, maybe no one wanted to talk to me.
It started back up again in full force.
I'll definitely keep track of all my encounters and write about them for you! Or rather, the nice, funny or good encounters I'll write about. No one wants to hear about catcalling or being harassed on the bus. That part sucks.
My siblings are living life without me.
Okay, okay, okay. That's expected and normal. But I didn't realize just how much life would go on without me! My sister went to a silent disco, something I have ALWAYS wanted to do. Story went to a gallery that I would have LOVED to see myself (hint: it has inspired my next gallery theme). True has friends and goes to concerts. Ever complains about living in jail. It's true, my siblings have their own lives and they can, have and will continue to live those without me right there beside them. This makes me sad. My siblings are my favorite people in the world and I wish I could be there with them. Collectively, we are the funniest person we know so I'm only 1/5 as funny as I could be here in Seattle.
Moving is tough. But I'm not giving up yet.
Honestly (there it is again) I have wanted to give up. I even uttered those words - which was scary because I don't remember ever seriously contemplating giving up before in my life. But I did think about it, and in detail.
Just because I decided I am not going back to Texas anytime soon doesn't mean I am not depressed where I am.
Is it possible to be utter happy and still completely depressed at the same time? I think so - because I am there.
I'm thrilled to be here and to be involved in so many projects and surrounded by art - GOOD art - and yet, I'm still deeply saddened and lonely and such. I've cried and then felt dumb for crying, so I cried more.
Truly, it is okay.
I am going to be fine and the Lord is taking good care of me.