Present Here, One Foot There

Many of you know that my original plan for moving out here was to come back to Fort Worth after my internship ends. Don't freak out, that is still the plan - but, I tried to be very open and honest with all of you in telling you that I was going into this with very open hands and an open mind. I want to be pliable to what could happen. Maybe six months isn't long enough. Maybe it ends up being too long. Or, maybe God got me out here to stay out here.
 I don't have all the answers yet. 

And yes, I AM freaking out pretty much daily about the endless possibilities. (I seriously need to not do that.) 

In the meantime, I have this HUGE inner battle I am struggling with: being fully present here while still keeping a foot back home in Texas. 

My life has always been in Texas. I've build a huge net of people I love who love me and are fighting for me and supporting me in all my endeavors! I genuinely want to come back to Fort Worth and share all I have learned here with the artist community in Texas!
In order to do so, I have to keep ties with people back home! 

Those of you who know me and have my phone number know what a HORRIBLE communicator I am.  I do read messages, and I think about replying, or, sometimes I reply in my head and think I did respond. I am a mess. 
I have found I am much better at talking on the phone. So I try to do this. (if you need me, call me. I'll answer)
Guess what? I've been on the phone a total of 12 hours between Friday 5/13 and Wednesday 5/18.
My goal is to talk to as many of you back home, keep up with this blog and just constantly talk to you and keep you updated with all that is happening with me here. 

The hard part of this is: 
1) time difference. I'm two hours behind Texas time and so sometimes my phone calls with you are at 1am your time!
2) I'm having troubling communicating in ways that work for you while keeping myself fully present here. 

I'm a time person. Quality time is my love language and face-to-face time is my favorite and preferred method of communication. (I wish I could sit down with you FW people right now and tell you about my life here over some really good coffee) My goal is to be as intentional as possible with my 8 roommates here and get to know them well. I desire to be fully present here, but still know I have to keep in contact with the world back home. I don't want to lose touch with anyone I love and care about back home! I have had that happen to me when a close friend moves, where we start out strong, but slowly lose contact.
I don't want to do that, especially since my goal is to come back home to you all! 

Truthfully, I'm having a hard time figuring out a good balance between being fully present while keeping tabs with you back home. 

It is not like I can hit pause here, go back for 10 years, come back here and resume.

My friend Michael summed up my thoughts right there. The world is moving and changing and I can't stop that. I don't want to stop that! I want everyone to grow, change and progress! 
Fort Worth will be different when I return, whether that be for good, or just for a visit. Cities are alive and breathing, you can't stop them. 
I will be different too. I hope you know that. 

Everything is swimming in my head and I am as scattered as ever. Bear with me, friends. 

Here is where I am at right now: I want to be fully present in Seattle, yet, I want to try and keep up with Tejas. I just haven't figured out a pattern that works for that quite yet. I'm learning, mostly by trial and error, but I am TRYING! 

I'm still trying to figure a lot of things out, and I promise to continue writing out my happiness, my struggles, thoughts and feelings. 

As always, thank you for your continuous love and support.